Who I am is best explained as who I have become as I am ever evolving.
What began as a typical little girl’s dream of marrying her prince charming, becoming a mother, and living happily ever after unfolded into a journey of big life experiences. Amazing memories along with a parent’s worst nightmare.
I married my best friend, Paul, and my dream was fulfilled of becoming a mother…three times over. Our family felt complete as our very own fairytale played out.
Just as with any true fairytale, however, we had our very own plot twist….cancer. A genetic mutation that I tested positive for along with two out of our three children. Although we had no idea prior to starting a family, guilt, shame, and grief showed up like a dark cloud covering what was once a clear blue sky.
Shortly after learning this news, Olivia (our middle child) was diagnosed with an aggressive brain tumor at the age of 4. Over a year of surgeries and various treatments was not enough to rid her body of the dis-ease that would end her life at the age of 5.
Our world was turned upside down the instant she was diagnosed…and then again at the time of her passing.
They say when we go to the depth of our pain is when the work can begin. I have experienced this as a grieving mother as well as a cancer survivor as I developed 5 totally different types of cancer, with the two most recent terminal diagnoses.
Our family’s journey has been big. It has been deep, and it has been wide.
So who am I?
I am a soul…a being of light…embodied in my human vessel.
I am a mother who has learned to be transparent while speaking openly and honestly to our children. With the ebb and flow of grief, I have learned how to stay steady during each storm while gaining the tools to access that blue sky once again.
I am a survivor. Dis-ease tells me something needs to shift… a nudge getting my attention.
I am a seeker… open to the possibilities of all spiritual beliefs rooted in love…not fear.
And through it all, I am a realistic optimist. I am well aware of the medical statistics while also fully trusting the journey as I learn how to do “it” differently.
This is my purpose. This…is who I am.